Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Looking back - looking forward.

I hope by now, you've had an enjoyable Christmas....if indeed you even celebrate it where you live. It's funny, but as a child I thought the whole world stopped for Christmas...but I guess somewhere there lives a counterpart me who believes the whole world stops for Eid, or Diwali...I'm digressing....I'm supposing that you have approached the end of this year with a modicum of satisfaction and anticipation for what is to come in 2012.
In time honoured tradition I'm looking back over my year...Last January I was still reeling from the death of my close friend Geoff...Geoff had been a good and encouraging friend who felt strongly that I should use my art to earn money whilst developing  my style and skill. We were in discussions about an exciting project when his illness took hold ...I will never know what might have been. Around the same time I had also found an opportunity to create the cover for a novel which  was thought would become a best seller. I created the artwork and was told it was perfect. However upon publication, I discovered my artwork had been dropped..I'd not had any notification of this, so I felt very upset...and you guessed it, the book went on to become a bestseller!To this day I have no idea why my work was deemed unsuitable.
I knew that to continue I needed to find some encouragement, but I found none. I've continued to produce artwork which moves from my drawing table straight to storage besides the wardrobe never to be seen again. From my many previous exhibitions, I leaned that what people wanted was my black and white surreal erotic work...not the pretty trees and landscapes which to be honest you can get anywhere. But to begin again to have my work reproduced for the print market is prohibitive to the point of silliness.
The burden of financial problems is alleviated by the fact that Jan's work is progressively more involved , and requires frequent overseas pays the bills though. My time is however not waisted as I see it as my duty to enable her to do this. But this detracts from the work I do.
To this end. and the unavailability of  the work people want. I've cancelled all exhibitions and given up seeking bookings for any more...I have nothing to sell that people want and it's too complicated and expensive to get what I do have, photographed and printed.
I feel very heavy of heart creatively because I have no shortage of ideas...I do however lack to freedom to produce work which will sell...I cannot dedicate my time to exhibiting.
Perhaps one day it will change...perhaps by this time next year I'll have a better outlook...perhaps.
I shall continue to work...I shall continue to run..( I'm hoping to reach half marathon standard this year).I shall coninue...
May I take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very peaceful and very very hopeful New Year!


Maid of Kent said...

What a shame. Your work is good, you know there is a market out there. Are you positive there are no other ways to get it made into prints than those already tried? Sadly, your blog reads as though you are already defeated.Surely you owe it to yourself and to those who have already encouraged you thus far to battle onwards. I hope you do, good luck!

Niall young said...

Maid of Kent - Thank you for your kind words. It's true I am in a bit of a dark place at the moment and I can't see a way out..but one thing is for certain, people do want my work and the work they want is the work I enjoy producing.

Devil Mood said...

That certainly adds up to a frustrating and disappointing year. But something will come out of this. I mean, there will be an evolution from here, though we may not see it now. And, in the long run, when you look back, you won't be able to pinpoint the disappointing year, you'll just see this as part of the whole process and evolution.
Happy 2012 Niall!