Elephantine

I can stand and look at the stars, stare into the sky and speak words to God..Sometimes I look around half expecting to see 'him' peeking from behind a cloud. Isn't funny how we look to the sky when we think of God?. " He's up there somewhere"..I came to see that God doesn't live in the sky, he's not a 'gas', he's not this he's not that..I'm not even sure if 'He' is a proper concept apart from the word 'Father' that is used when referring to God. But when you truly believe in him, you find him in your heart. This is how I viewed the 'Church' which I was told was the ' Body of Christ' on Earth. He lived in the hearts of those I met with each Sunday. This was my world, my life.

Life throws many twists and turns, and for the most part, they are unlooked for and unwanted. Thus it was one cold New Years Eve( 1991) I was awoken at 1am by my Dad banging on my front door. I stood on the ledge so I could see out the top of my bedroom window. My Dad down in the street looked up at me and said "Will you come and help me. I think your Mum has died"

This was a defining moment in my life. Not only this , but earlier that same year, Jan and I had lost the life of our first child.

It's strange, but even now I feel a very deep and real bitterness towards some of those who held God in their hearts. I guess I could be forgiven for wanting to hide myself away, to heal myself. But I longed to be cared for, to be upheld by those I'd come to regard as 'my family'..the Fellowship. Despite the valued support on a couple of occasions from people close to me, the church ceased to exist. No one called. Did no one know how to talk to a man who'd lost so much? It appeared that no one cared. I often thought that it was as if I had died along with my Mum.

I thought of them every Sunday afternoon as they worshipped...as they met for tea...I never really went again.

The accompanying picture finished two days ago is called 'Elephantine' I have referred to it as the ' Mad Vicar picture'. I will write about it another time, but I would like to invite comment as to what you think it is about!

S.I.A.T ( symbolism in all things)