Exhibition set up.

These photos show the pictures as I hung them...I've yet to make them all hang evenly and put labels including prices underneath each one. when i began this blog I said that I'd write about the ins and out of being an artist...the highs and lows...well they're all there today. because what I write today may change tomorrow, you'll have to accept that this is a cathartic experience ...writing...but you'll get a better understanding of me as an artist...as a 51 year old finding that all he's known for the past 30 odd years has been challenged and turned on it's head...as a man who has lost his faith, and then found his faith...as a Man /Artist/ Christian finding himself rethinking the way he expresses himself....

I felt very peaceful about preparing for this exhibition...when ever I feel peaceful about anything, something tries to unsettle it. Wednesday, I collected the hire car to take my son to Bristol for his university interview. I really dislike long journeys...my American/ Indian...in fact any of my non British friends will laugh when I describe my definition of a long journey...Bristol is 147  miles from where I live...one and a half hours drive to be there at 2:30  pm...so I though to be on the safe side, I'd leave an hour early to leave room for delays. 40 miles into the journey just outside Birmingham we hit a traffic jam....'road works'...I knew we might be in for a delay...i had no idea how long that delay would be. We managed to travel only three miles in three hours! so after calling the uni a few times...we decided it would be better to re arrange the interview for another day...turn round and head home.

Not a great day you'll be surprised to hear...but I was able to spend some time with my youngest son with whom i've found it difficult at time to relate to...we were both sharing an experience which helped us to bond...we talked...laughed and i suppose in retrospect, it was a very valuable time for us.Shame we had to do it in a traffic jam...but sometimes those experiences are only possible in a shared adversity!

I thought I'd done really well...I was proud of the way I handled the situation...sorting the car out...buying the correct fuel...insurance etc...But it was tired, slightly irritable and still with a stack of things to do to prepare for the exhibition. I sorted the work that needed doing the next day and sat back looking forward to my wife returning from her mini holiday which she and my daughter had decided to go on.

I quickly found that my exploits were not well received...I'd bought extended insurance for my own peace of mind...which apparently I didn't need...I'd bought a full tank of petrol of which only a quarter was used. We have a spectacularly downward financial situation...well into the overdraft, we are just about broke, and I made it worse...and boy wasn't I told in no uncertainty! so I trailed off to my bed slightly broken...tired and full of anticipation of the oncoming day when I'd hang my work for the first time in three years.

Arriving at the gallery, I unpacked the work i'd decided to bring along. Now I had a bit of a dilemma...still have a dilemma...all the work that i've created over the past six or seven years has leaned to my darker imagination..working out the experiences of an often painful childhood weaving deeply personal themes of religion and sexuality. i think to the casual observer I must seem like some sort of pervert....fetishist....and this to be honest troubles me now. Now that i've given my life back to God, I want to think on things that are good and wholesome...encouraging and Holy. But the work that remains now back home...some of it framed, most of it not framed mainly due to the fact I've made hardly any money in the last three years...I cannot afford to have it framed anyway. but despite the subject matter...is work that i am most proud of...it is that which is created as a true and expressive release of my often deeply hidden thoughts .It's also very not what 'decent church people will be happy seeing.....oh what am i saying?....I must be going soft or something!

 So that brings me to today...an exhibition i'm deeply unsatisfied with putting my artistic stamp to...it tells only half the story of me...and is a feeble attempt to satisfy as many people and upset as few as possible.

I think i know the answer as i'm typing to be honest...I think i hear what you're saying to the quietness of your glowing screen. Art has never been about settling for comfort...art has never been a cushion to delicate sensibilities...

What will i do? What would you do?

 

to find out...Tune in tomorrow...same Bat time...same Bat channel!

 

I sound like a right mess don't I?...

 

i'm off to bed,,,it'll all look better in the morning.